Hope Deferred

" Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

                          - Proverbs 13:12

When Colby and I got married almost 7 years ago, we couldn't wait to be a family and be together. We've been a great family with the two of us and our sweet furry boys....yes WE are indeed a family, in spite of the many times we've been asked when "we'll be starting one?" :) But we have always known that we have wanted children (with the emphasis of plural). When God put that on our hearts, even in the middle of craziness with 2 grad schools, etc. we were excited to watch Him provide and bring another addition to our family. 

However, as the months and even year+++ went by with no blessing, we questioned why and what this was all about. Social media doesn't make it much easier, b/c before you just "knew" of many others that were successfully going about their stages in life, but with blogs and FB, you have to not only read and become aware of the many people that are making big announcements, but also see week by week recaps of bellies and timetickers, etc. as if a women's curse of comparison to other people and insecurity wasn't enough. (Hence the break from the blog and FB too- sorry, I really do love writing and reading, just needed some time to heal) Do we rejoice with others and praise God for their blessings...absolutely, we couldn't be more thrilled! But we've (or I've) at least gone through some soul searching areas of having to pray through bitterness, comparison, and feelings of anger and inadequacy. My job is to take care of other people's children. But I long to care for my own as well.

Hearing "advice" of God's timing, needing to relax, "at least you won't have to...." as well as many crazy other pieces of "encouragement" did not give us the reassurance we needed. (I could write a book on this-maybe I'll write a blog in the future) Thankfully, we do have friends and family that "get it." And ones that have stood by us and prayed for us, cried with us, have been open armed parents and let us love on their babies, and just let us "be." However, we haven't needed anyone to "fix" our problem for us or give us a solution (and I'm not looking for sympathy comments with writing this blog), I just feel like I needed to be honest and without others knowing the story behind our future children, I don't think God can be fully glorified for when He does provide them for us. We know full well that God's provision for us is immaculate! He's shown us this time and time again and we continue to praise Him and trust Him with this delicate part of our lives. I think back to the several times that I was asked what Colby's "back-up plan" was for residency, as ophtho is very competitive, but the Lord knew that was what he was supposed to do and we give Him all the glory for that blessing.

"He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord!"

                              -Psalm 113:9

Colby and I knew we wanted a blended family during our dating relationship and were both passionate for our desires for adoption as well as children our own. When we began “trying” for children of our own, we definitely didn’t anticipate the journey of infertility and the challenges that it would bring. We did seek a specialist for many months, but in spite of both of us being engrossed in the medical world, did not find any medical answers. We dabbled in a few treatment options but overall, we don't currently feel that further treatment is for us and felt God’s call toward pursuing adoption. In our minds, there is nothing more biblical than the design for adoption. He has shown us this model by adopting us as His children, being a Father to the fatherless and providing for us and saving us from the ultimate death we deserve from sin. I recently read the verse John 3:16 in a new light, "For God so longed to call me His child, that He offered the life of His only biological Son to pay the price of my adoption."


We started going to an informational meeting through the foster care system back in October, but quickly found out that with Colby’s future out-of-state residency plans, this would not be possible. That led us to Gladney, through a great friend’s recommendation, and the headquarters are here in our very own hometown! And of course after we matched to Arkansas, we found out that it is the only agency that is dually certified in both states...meaning we wouldn't have to start paperwork over again if it takes as long as the move. How blessed are we? 

Not to mention all of the people that we "ran into" at the agency and didn't even know they were involved. He knows our best. We are so excited for all that is to come in growing our family. We are doing the domestic program, as I (Joanna) have 4 domestically adopted siblings in my family and have seen there is great need that is right here in the good ole US of A. That doesn't mean we wouldn't consider international in the future, but for now, we feel that this is where God wants us. We didn't preference a "flavor," but have opted to leave the "menu" wide open and allow God to choose the baby that he has in mind for our family.

The time-frame for adoption is a little more difficult than a pregnancy where you know you have approximately 8-9 months of preparation, see physical changes, and prepare daily. We have no idea when we will bring home our child, and this is scary, yet exciting. It's hard for it to feel real as well without these physical changes, but we have felt the "expecting" longing and growing in our hearts for some time now.

This blog post serves not only as a way for us to share that we are indeed expecting, but also as an outreach to others for the incredible blessing of adoption. Adoption is often shared through word of mouth and many people "know of someone" needing to consider adoption. So if you know of someone in need, please pass on that they can call any adoption hotline or 1-800-Gladney for free help and resources. We loved finding out that this agency really ministers to the birth mothers, offering a place to stay, help with education, life skills, and job searches. And there are MANY others out there that are fabulous as well. So many resources.


The months ahead are unknown for us. We are unsure how long our waiting will last, or how our exact case will proceed until the time comes to bring home our child. What we do know is that this exciting journey will take us to parenthood. We appreciate your support, prayers, and most of all we appreciate your help in spreading the news about adoption!

And in the meantime, for those of you that have had a similar battle, know that we pray for you daily and that you aren't alone. I'm happy to pray for you by name as well. And to those of you that have been blessed so amazingly with kiddos, we praise God for your blessing! Please hug them tight and take every passing moment with them as a blessing, even on crazy days when the house is a mess and you're up 'til late in the morning. We can only dream of swollen ankles, being sleep deprived, messy toys, kids running around screaming, and terrible teenage years...but we hope that day will come sooner than later with the incredible blessing of adoption!