A rough week

In the heat of a West Texas morning our family met at the Resthaven Memorial Park in the Garden of Babyland to mourn with my sister and brother-in-law the loss of their baby girl Tatum Cate Thomas on May 15. To say the least it was a very emotional and difficult time for all of us.

I only know how I have felt these past few days which is as close to miserable as I have ever been. I cannot begin to imagine what other mothers, expecting mothers, and aspiring mothers in my family are feeling. Not to mention my parents once ecstatic of being grandparents now seeing their oldest daughter lose her child and nearly her own life. Joanna and I were thrilled at the thought of being Auntie Jo and Uncle Colby. But Tatum never took a breath in this life as the complications of preeclampsia claimed her precious soul.

I don’t pretend to know why this happened nor why any of those hundreds of kiddos and babies were buried at that cemetery, but it is a very real reminder of the affliction that we all must deal with during our lives, however they may present themselves. Surely the wise of the past have realized that this life is not fair. To think of all the single women (mostly girls) Jo and I have encountered in hospitals giving birth to beautiful, completely healthy children who have no love, no compassion, no care for them; in contrast, I know of no better deserving married couple than Paige and Jarod who would fit what most would consider worthy parents. The love and care they showed Tatum just during the time she thrived in Paige’s womb was more than many children will receive in a lifetime. For them to be so attached, so desperately wanting to be parents, and to meet such despair at the brink of such expectant joy is appalling. It is still bringing me to tears as I type this. Only through time and many days of tears will this tragedy find any kind of resolve in my heart, and I am sure many more for Paige and Jarod.

The question at hand is how do we as a family who follows the life and teachings of Jesus answer the imposing question of “why?” In all honesty, I don’t think we can nor will ever be able to. I feel anger towards those who might try and put Providence at the helm of this incident or any other of such tragedy. I think a biblical way to address this is to mourn and grieve just as Jesus did in his suffering. Just as Job cried out to God day after day asking, more likely screaming, “Why?!” As follower of Jesus we have never been promised safety nor comfort nor the lack of affliction in this physical world, but the difference Jesus makes is hope. We have a hope that transcends any suffering from this current physical world; a hope that gives us the ability to look to a future where things are restored; no more tears, no more suffering, the lion will lie along side the lamb, no more death, the rule of God will be fully realized.

But, and a big but, the knowledge and hope of this still does not lessen the immediate pain of our current loss, and if we assume that we can hide our grief behind the façade of “Jesus loves me” and “He has a wonderful plan for my life,” we do a great injustice to ourselves and others who are hurting. The book recording the events of Job’s loss and grief is 40 chapters. It is not until the very end that Job’s “why” was answered (although not really answered) with “God is God and we aren’t.” It is simply a mystery that we as believers must live with the same way we must live with worshipping the one true God who is explained in three persons, believing He is sovereign and yet we still have free will, etcetera. There are many things we will not know completely in this world and so for us to say we have an answer to “why” is nothing less than foolish. We should not expect ourselves or anyone else to acknowledge nor accept the response Job received any time soon.

To Paige and Jarod, Joanna and I love you both more than we can express. We are very thankful that we did not lose Paige too. We are also thankful that we could make it down to be with you in your and our loss. We are extremely sorry that this happened and will pray that your pain will be eased over time.

CB